AbsolutePickens (dot) com

My, how things can turn around in 24 hours…

My beloved Army Field jacket will be repaired. It’s “sectional” enough to where the stitches can be removed, the burnt fabric taken out, and new fabric sewn in its place. My girlfriend has decided to take on this monumental task of resurrecting the jacket. Sweet!

In the meantime, she located another jacket online. Her first plan was to use it for parts. However I couldn’t possibly endorse the destruction of such a good specimen. It’d be like killing a man to use his heart for a transplant…it just ain’t right.

So she asks what size mine is… I look… turns out the one she found was the same jacket–and I mean the SAME one. Korean war (pre-Vietnam) era M-65 Field Jacket… OD Green, aluminum, NOT brass zippers, and even the same exact size. The best part, the price was only $19.00.

Now, it can never replace the original, and as I stated the original will be restored to working order. However, it’ll be nice to have a backup or “stand in” to wear without risking the original, which holds much sentimental value. Plus it’ll allow me to maintain my “style” if you wanna call it that. My “style”, admittingly, being quite strange and undefined…

Now…the truck… An online acquaintance from a Chevy 4×4 Truck forum has a 1985 Suburban that he’s parting out. It has the necessary parts to get my Blazer back up and going.

Aside from the time involved in replacing the wiring and distrbutor (and quadruple checking the fuel line this time) I really won’t be out too much money because of my idiocy.

All in all, things appear to be working out.

~jp

Yep…I did it… It’s one of those things you either read about or somebody tells you about. Either way, you realize how incredibly bone-headed it is and think to yourself that you could NEVER be such a moron…

Well, apparently I can be such a moron:

I finally was able to get to the only place in town I know of that regularly stocks Edelbrock metering jets and similar parts. I picked up the smaller jets to put into my carb to properly lean it out.

Yesterday I drove home from work, about 3 blocks. I routinely get harassed by my friends and coworkers for driving when I could walk such a short distance, but I enjoy driving, and being in the cold wind tends to cause ear aches. The distance is short enough to where the temperature gauge usually doesn’t hit the regular operating temperate by the time I get to work or home on a cold day. Yesterday was not so cold…

So I popped the hood, and the carb was plenty cool enough to work on. I went about disconnecting the links and fuel line, before pulling the airhorn off and getting to work on setting the floats back to their factory designated positions. I did that, then quickly swapped out the jets. Everything was going smoothly. I checked, double checked, and triple checked the float height–perfect. Gently snugged up the new jets, then replaced the airhorn, bolted it back together, and went about reattaching all the linkages.

There was one thing however, that I neglected to reconnect…a little thing called the fuel line.

I turned the key, and tried to crank it… Now in these situations, I don’t fasten a seat belt, because I won’t actually be going anywhere. This unfortunately causes that friggin’ buzzer to go off for like 10 seconds, drowning out any weird noises the engine may make. However, I did hear a noise. Sort of a pop/boom noise…the engine did not start though…

Hmm…

A pop…followed what at first appeared to be a puff of smoke. I then realized that this was no puff, rather, it was quickly becoming a plume of smoke.

Hmm…

It took about 3 seconds for me to realize that the engine was indeed engulfed in flames. I acted quickly–that is to say, I quickly ran around freaking out with absolutely no idea what to do. I live in a gated apartment community, and parking lot auto work is technically forbidden. I have no water hose. The only thing I was close to was the new Ford Excursion parked right next to me.

The firewall was ironically, on fire… and there was a burning puddle of gas under the tranny. I grabbed the first thing I saw–My pre-Vietnam war M-65 Army field jacket…Yep…over 40 years old, and made before they started using brass zippers…The one my late Father got when he entered the service back in the early 60’s.

I proceeded to beat at the flames to put them out to no avail. I did somehow realize that maybe I should first put out the burning puddle beneath the truck. I did so with the jacket. Then went about trying to stuff the jacket between the carb and firewall to put out the flames–no dice.

So I jumped in the truck and found a shitty little wind breaker. I tried supplementing the field jacket with the wind breaker–no dice.

Suddenly, a woman appeared out of nowhere and very calmly asked “Would you like some water?” Of course I’d like some damn water…

So she whips out a few half-empty bottles from her car. I pull the now burning jackets out of the engine bay which catches on and yanks out the tranny dipstick at the same time. I douse the area with all the water she has, the fires go out, except for a couple of burning vacuum lines, which I pulled off with pliers and stomped out on the ground.

I stood there for moment…breathing heavily..my lungs hurting from sucking in all the burning gas fumes and burning rubber and plastic smoke…the underside of the hood was still slightly glowing red…the white paint on top of the hood now appearing like a slightly toasted marshmallow…

As the smoke cleared, I assessed the damage. The distributor is, quite frankly, no more. At least, the non-metal parts. A few vacuum lines are gone. Wiring that was on the firewall is now exposed, burnt metal.

I looked at the mess and noticed that fuel line, ironically unscathed, lying there pointing toward the back of the engine and firewall. Apparently when I hit the switch to crank it, the fuel pump, doing its duty, shot gas all over the damn place, and onto hot engine components.

You may now take a moment, to laugh your asses off.
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While dousing the area with water, I think it’s possible that I dumped some into the tranny dipstick tube… This really has me concerned. Really…after all that, this is what concerns me.

You see, the wiring and vacuum lines can easily and cheaply be replaced. The distributor components can be just as quickly replaced, and if I’m thrifty very cheaply as well. I already have a spare ignition module, and have seen used HEIs on eBay for dirt.

I’ve done harder work than that, and I’m pretty good on the electrical end of things.

But the potential of water in the tranny REALLY has me concerned.

All this on the 2-year anniversary of my Dad’s death, like I needed for December 28th to suck even more. My girlfriend said that he was watching out for me and prevented it from being worse… This I don’t doubt, but I had to ask myself, if so, why didn’t he yell at me or something before I hit the switch.

Thanks a pantload Dad…I’m sure you’re laughing your ass off right now.

annoyed
~jp

Wow… way too long between updates… Yeah, I know. I haven’t been able to dedicate any time to my site in a good while. So here’s what happening in my neck of the woods:

After my K5 Blazer’s rear axle decided to take a proverbial dump, I knew I needed a replacement ASAP. After weighing my options for a good long time (months) I decided to have the existing axle rebuilt. Not until after I’d blown $160 for 2 used axles and a set of wheels and (good) used tires.

During this time I acquired a 1983 K10 Suburban via my good friend Richie Lemay. Lemay’s dad Rich Sr. sold me the truck after it had sat unused for a long time. It was retired as a truck his surveying crew used to carry gear with. It served me well, allowing me to go buy groceries, get to work, and took me to pick up the used axles and tires. It was such a piece of crap that he actually refused to take money until he was sure it actually made it all the way from TN to Atlanta.

The K5 was towed to the mechanic’s place on 11.4.2005, and work commenced after the holiday weekend. Wednesday the following week I somehow threw out my back, but was determined to get the used axles to the mechanic, as he said that he’d take them in on trade toward the work he was doing. I managed to fight traffic for almost 2 hours, and was there all of 5 minutes. Long enough for him to state that it was too late to unload them but he’d give me $150 for them. (remember, I paid $160 for the axles AND 5 tires and wheels!!!)

The next day my back was so screwed I could hardly walk. I called and he said the rear axle was in and working, but they found a problem on the front end…the driver’s side ball joints were shot. So I asked how much to fix them, and he gave an acceptable number. I gave the go-ahead and he said it’d be done by the time I got there.

Getting there proved to be quite an exercise. The bad back was making driving difficult. Then, the K10 Sub started to give up the ghost. I’m not kidding, she was sputtering, shuddering and shaking. Every hill was a long torturous exercise. At its worst, I was doing 30mph uphill on the interstate with my flashers going, driving in the emergency lane. And such a rough ride with a few hundred pounds of axles in the bed made it sound like I was flying a B-17 bomber through a sky filled with Nazi anti-aircraft flak–NOT FUN.

The plan was for me to drive the K10 back, with my girlfriend driving the newly fixed K5 behind me. This troubled me because, although I don’t consider her a bad driver, she’s never handled anything like the K5. On top of that, I wasn’t sure the K10 would even make it there, let alone all the way back. We went 33 miles like that and finally pulled into his driveway.

I shut ‘er off, and went inside to pay the man. The K5 was minutes away from coming down off the rack. I asked him if he knew anyone that may be interested in the K10. He asked what was wrong with it. I told him about the rusted-out body, the fact that the speedometer was the only working gauge, the rough-running engine, the slipping transmission… he asked how much, and I said $500. He didn’t seem too interested and didn’t know of anyone that would be either. I frankly didn’t blame him.

I went out to reposition the Sub to let him extract the axles. He came out right behind me and offered me $400 straight up for the Sub. I didn’t hesitate to look at my girlfriend and say “Babe, come get your stuff out of the Sub… we’re leaving it.”

So with that, he refunded $400 of my money and we headed off in the K5.

Now I wish this were the end of the story but, alas, it is not…

The K5 was obviously in bad need of a front-end alignment. I had to keep the steering wheel about 80 degrees to the right to maintain a straight line down the road. Knowing that I had to be at a wedding in Tennessee on Saturday afternoon, I woke up at 7am on Saturday morning to be first in line to have it done.

No go…The passenger side wheel bearings are shot. Bummer. No alignment, and driving was ill-advised, but I took it 4 hours up the interstate to TN and back in the same day.

So that’s where I remain. On top of all of this, the engine has never run correctly since I had it replaced last year. The carburetor has always run extremely rich (too much gas) and it doesn’t have anywhere near the power it should. It also was averaging 12mpg on the interstate–YES REALLY.

Yesterday, some troubleshooting on my part unearthed a vacuum problem. I partially solved it by changing a carburetor gasket that was leaking. I think I know the source of the rest of the leak. I have a new part coming in that will properly replace some Ghetto-engineering I performed last year when I put the carb on there.

This morning the engine was idling faster and had more power. I think I’m on the right track with the vacuum leak. And the front end will be fixed and aligned shortly after I get paid in 10 days.

Until then…